Let’s face the truth and admit that breakups always suck and take a massive toll on a person mentally. Witnessing your dear one’s going through a split is an exasperating process. Pragmatically speaking, you cannot undo a situation or go back in time but what you can do is to be there for your loved ones and help them heal. Here are simple ways you can help a friend grieve and move on.
‘I’m all ears, my friend’-
Undeniably, human beings cannot deal with emptiness. When a loved one expires, disassociates or drift away, human creatures can go an extra mile to fill that void. When dear ones of yours are going through a rough phase, i.e. an ugly breakup render a shoulder to them to cry on, provide a listening ear and invest your time and energy in them because they need you. Come up with constructive responses which makes them realize that their sentiments are valid. ‘It’s OK to have a bad day.’, ‘I am here for you.’, ‘ Crying is essential- cry your heart out.’, ‘This too shall pass.’, ‘Feeling downhearted and gloomy is perfectly normal.’ ,’ You still are amazing.’ And so on. These kinds of responses can make your loved one sensed that you are zeroed in rather than slacking off. Be the friend who roots for them, lifts their spirits up and inflate their self-esteem because that’s what good friends are for. Aren’t they?
Breaching personal space is uncool
Solitude is mandatory. Regardless of a lasting and an unbreakable bond you share with your loved one, understanding the brunt of invading one’s personal space is crucial. It doesn’t matter if it’s a post-breakup aftershock that’s hitting hard. If your loved one needs some time alone, offer them generously. Don’t be clingy, provide inessential advice or counsel them. It wouldn’t even cost you two cents if you let them be in their comfort zone. ‘It’s perfectly okay. Take your time. Hit me up whenever you want to talk.’ ,’ I am just a text or call away.’ These kind replies wouldn’t add to their emotional instability. Be considerate enough to understand the other person situation rather than disregarding it and compelling them to jump to a conclusion.
Bring forth beautiful distractions
Focus on things which your loved one was deeply passionate about. Try taking baby steps. Make them recall their love for something and then gradually convince them to get back on the track. Be it sports, arts, playing any musical instrument, singing or working out. This, in turn, will help them to channel their negative sentiments into positive reinforcement. Your patience will be tested several times on several instances during the recovery-of-post breakup phase, but that’s acceptable and understandable since it’s not possible to unknow a person or to let go of the memories effortlessly. Be mindful of the distractions you put forward. Suggesting a dating app to find another lover, taking them to a club so that they could break the bed with a stranger or asking them to pretend as nothing happened is not a healthy way to cope up with the post-breakup tension. Be accommodating enough to allow them to evolve in their own shell and in their own ways.
Thirst for validation is real
Feeling validated is all we need at times. Let them grieve and let them express their raw emotions and let them be repetitive in their dialogues and let them pour their heart to you. Instead of asking them to stop or making them feel unwanted, phrase your words nicely to make them feel validated. Do not try to invalidate their experiences by rendering your unneeded and unnecessary counselling sessions. Present reasonable arguments, puff them up with their own importance and make them feel validated.
Try to be there for them unconditionally
To heal the wounds of your beloved, one needs to view the entire scenario from the two party’s perspective. One may encounter conflicts, but that’s what you have to keep aside and tilt your angle a little. People can help as long as one is willing to receive help. Similarly, people will understand as long as you want them to understand; providing them with the context you wish on delivering it. In many instances, they may not want to untangle the mess they landed in to avoid further discomfort and perplexity. Therefore, the two parties should be honest and genuine in their communication. One as a friend and a healer is not supposed to get everything, hence be clear cut if you don’t get the hold of something instead of assuming and making matters worse amongst yourselves.