If Meghan Markle Was Pregnant in Pakistan

It hasn’t been long since we saw Meghan Markle walk down the aisle and join the ranks of the British Royal Family. And now that she’s pregnant and expected to give birth in spring 2019, its no surprise everybody is talking about the unborn child, Meghan’s appearance and eating habits. While pregnancy is different for each woman, there is one thing that every woman living in Pakistan who is or has been pregnant has faced – the endless totkas (aka pregnancy urban legends) passed on from generations to generations without any sound reasoning or logic.

Firstly, a heartfelt congratulations to the parents-to-be and a heartfelt sigh of sympathy for the microscope they will be under until the baby arrives.

On a side note, we can’t help wondering what bizarrre desi totkay or ‘helpful’ advice Meghan would have been exposed to if she were in Pakistan?

1. Beta, don’t cross your legs – the umbilical cord will strangle the baby

Well, it’s a good thing that royal etiquette isn’t pro crossing-your-legs to begin with seeing that it’s a tough habit to break!

2. If your belly widens, it’s a girl; if it protrudes outwards, it’s a boy!

That kind of reasoning is the secret behind our unprecedented success as a nation. Aunties everywhere are going to be winning bets on whether to expect a little prince or princess!

3. Don’t drink tea/coffee! Complexion kharaab hoga baby ka (the baby will have a dark complexion) and Doodh Piyo! Baby gora hoga (Drink milk, the baby will be fair)

It starts off meaning well enough. Of course, caffeine has to be limited but well, we’re NOTHING if not racist to the point of revulsion.

4. Don’t wear heels.

No pregnant woman in Pakistan ever made it to a wedding in heels. Ever. If she did, she got a “Haye, Whyy? You’re pregnant!” No kidding, aunty, I almost forgot.

5. Travel? Bilkul Nahin! You shouldn’t even be walking up and down the stairs much less trekking the world.

Good thing Meghan is far away, since she has royal duties to fulfill and all. In Australia. And heels.

6. There’s an eclipse. You must stay indoors, lie down straight in bed and under no circumstance are you to hold anything that is made of steel and is sharp.

No steak for you, beta.

7. Don’t tell anyone, anything. Wait 3 months to announce the pregnancy and keep your lips zipped about the gender until the baby arrives.

Gender-reveal parties in Pakistan are all getting the evil eye right about now. But we’ll have a grand old time, holding your belly and commenting on the way you look before determining what sex your baby will be. Get them restraining orders ready, Meghan.

These are just a few things that Pakistani women get to hear when they’re pregnant. Of course, our aunties have nothing but our best interests at heart. Right?

What’s the most bizarre advice you’ve heard during your pregnancy? Share with us below.