Making Valima Halal: A Sex Education Guide for the First Timers
Sex is one of the most taboo topics in Pakistan, resulting in hundreds of misinformation and myths. This leads to the fact that the only time a newlywed couple actually get to discover sex is in their bedroom on the night of their wedding. Oh yes, there is some sex education early on. The khala, phuppo, chachi or the grimmest cousin of the khandaan is asked to guide the naive young dulhan about how the deed is done. What comes forth though, is a tale of excruciating pain, tears of blood, and screams.
Men, on the other hand…well that’s another story altogether. They are either expected to know everything themselves (God knows how) or make do with movies and information collected from the internet.
The about-to-be-wed couple is given meaningful looks and snide comments throughout the wedding festivities, doing nothing but making them more anxious by the minute. And this is the reason why this first timers sex education guide is designed so that young guys and girls (the ones getting married obviously, duh!) can be laced with the right information, have healthy sex, and actually enjoy their halal intimacy.
So here are the things you need to know about having sexual intercourse for the first time:
No, you don’t have to ‘Do It’ the First Night!
There is some huge misconception among our nation about the fact that nikkah doesn’t get halilfied if it isn’t consummated the first night. You can wait and get to know the person first if you aren’t comfortable or simply engage in some warm physical intimacy. Most people who slowly ease into the actual act are the ones who end up having the best time of their lives.
Talk to your spouse-to-be in advance and discuss what you wish to do.
Remember, communication is key to every relationship, particularly matters of intercourse. So let them know your fears and read up a little about sex so that both of you know what will happen, and are ready to do it without compromising health.
Blood is NOT the sign of Virginity!
As impossible as it is to believe, this is still how virginity is measured in Pakistan! Blood is the last thing that can be used to measure the virginity of a woman. This is one of the most widely popular myths there can be. What with the lifestyle of women today, their diets along with menstruation cycle, there are literally only a handful of ladies who bleed on the first time penetration act. This is because the veil to their virginity had probably already been broken when they were riding a bike as a child, playing football in school or swimming in the sea!
So relax! There is an 80% possibility that you won’t bleed to death or even have a few drops of blood the night of your wedding sex.
Inform your husband or wife-to-be in advance so that there are no such expectations!
Foreplay Helps Move Matters Along
For most married couples, foreplay is only something done in dirty movies. Puh-leez!! Now that you are married, you need to broaden your horizon a little. Foreplay is the top reason why women orgasm in the first place and if you are not getting involved in it, the chances are that the girl in the intercourse is not going to enjoy the sex life.
Foreplay includes everything from kissing, touching sensually, hugging, and cuddling to going all the way to position 69! Now the first few times might feel awkward, but slowly and gradually your spouse, and you will develop the ease and comfort needed for a great sex session. So look up foreplay and make sure it is always there in your lovemakings.
Lube is Your Marital Best Friend!
This is essential, especially for first-timers. What lube does is make sliding easy, so that insertion and penetration become less restricted and painful. What’s more, many couples swear by the power and effectiveness of lube in helping them orgasm. Be sure to get one that has little to no chemicals as you do not want to experience yeast/urine infection the time you have sex.
Coconut oil or olive oil are good alternatives for commercial lubricants. So you can try those too.
Yes the Pain is there, but it won’t Kill You
It cannot be denied; there is pain for the women. This is because your vagina is not used to being penetrated like this and the tube is very narrow. The first time will hurt, but the pain is not intense to the point that you faint. If it gets to that point, ask an experienced friend or Google it, because you are definitely doing something wrong.
Once the hymen is broken, the uneasiness will remain for a few days but the more sex you have with lube, the better it will become!
It is About the Mind and the Mood!
No wiser words were said before. Sex is basically about your mind, not simply your body. This is particularly true for women, who mostly complain that the best they feel is ticklish. You too can enjoy it just as much as your husband as long as you are fully involved in the act. Create the mood, light up some dim lights, invest in some good nighties, shower, and perfume yourself, and ask your husband to do the same.
The more you guys tell each other about what you enjoy and what is the best way for pleasure, the better sex will get. Keep in mind that things improve over the period of time, so you need to wait and continue trying.
Do not have unrealistic expectations either from the man or woman. You are both exploring and doing it for the first time (probably!) so remain patient. Just because Sunny Leone acts like the mere kiss on the check is throwing her into throes of ecstasy doesn’t mean it’s real. It’s not! She is acting, albeit very well! Movies and books exaggerate things a lot, but real life is different. You will enjoy and have healthy sex so long as you give it time, talk it out with your partner, and continue to try newer things.