Few would deny that charm, the ability to make people like you, almost effortlessly, is one of the most valuable assets in building strong relationships, both professionally, and at home. The opposite also holds true, nothing can sabotage your crucial relationships more than being unlikable. Luckily another, many social scientists have studied the ‘Art of Charm’ and gone into the details of what one can do instantly to be more likeable. And this skill-set can help you get ahead in every social dimension of your life.
- People who smile less are instantly less likeable. When you see someone you like, you smile. It’s as simple as that. This isn’t to say that not smiling makes you ‘unlikeable’, it’s just that people will like you more, and want to be in your company more, if you flash a grin more often. But be careful not to go over the top. Smiling too much makes it appear that you’re trying too hard to get people to like you.
- Have you ever spoken to someone who gave you the impression that they weren’t interested in what you were saying, because they kept looking around or were using their phone while you were talking to them? It almost made you feel that you were talking at them and not to them. Being an attentive listener is the key to getting people to like you. It makes the speaker feel important and valuable. And the more valuable they feel, the more they like you for making them feel that way.
- Interrupting people when they’re talking wins you no favors in social situations. It ties back to our earlier point about not being a good listener. It’s rude and disrespectful. A great rule of thumb would be to pause three seconds after the other person starts talking. That way, you don’t run the risk of interrupting them, and it gives you time to think about what they just said, making them feel that what they were saying was important and worth thinking over.
- Backbiting, or speaking poorly of someone when they’re not there is not going to win you any points. People hearing your derogatory comments will find you to be mean and not a person of integrity. They will think to themselves, if this is what he says behind their backs, I wonder what he says behind mine!
- This is a big one. Being quick to criticize people is a sure-shot way to get people to stop liking you. In the immortal words of Dale Carnegie, from his book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ – “be hearty in your criticism and lavish in your praise”. It’s amazing how far a few words can go, in either the right, or the wrong direction.
- Don’t do things that gross people out, like picking your nose in public. And clean up well. Nobody likes being around people who smell bad.
- Body language speaks volumes. Defensive, or ‘unapproachable’ body language like crossing one’s arms sends out the impression that you’re not easy to talk to. Uncross your arms when talking to people, it sends out a more trustworthy message.
- Another body language pro-tip worth mentioning would be to face people directly when talking to them. This makes people more comfortable in your presence and gives the impression that you’re interested in what they’re saying. Standing facing away from them gives off a seriously untrustworthy vibe.
- No one likes being around someone who is negative all the time and complains a lot.
- Talking too much, or not knowing when to keep your mouth shut is a great way to annoy the people around you. Don’t be that guy.
