Unrequited love and how to get over it

Anam Shahid Sep 28 2015

For most of us, love is the cause of all the happiness and pain in the world. If you succeed in winning the heart of your loved one, you end up being the happiest person on earth. However, if your love is one-sided, that is, if it is unrequited love, then it can be a source of great regret and misery.

This often makes us question the authenticity of love. We start questioning if there is such a thing as true love, beyond the books, songs or movies.

So, what is love, in its true essence? In my belief, love is unexplainable. You, as a person, can give many definitions of what love is. And this too will vary from person to person to how they feel about it and have experienced it. While, for others, love is what you give unconditionally, without having the expectations to be loved right back. Love is not something you can simply demand from someone.

Love doesn’t come to us by choice but is felt inside in the skip of a heartbeat. Love doesn’t seek perfection in its truest form, and maybe that’s where the saying ‘love is blind’ comes from. And when the good outweighs the bad, and you find yourself finding perfections in the imperfections in an individual, I think that’s your cue to know that you, my friend, have started falling in love.

We want to be admired and respected by that person. We even find ourselves trusting that person completely, ignoring their flaws, and that is what leads to our downfall. We consider that individual too good to be true and enable ourselves to believe that they won’t hurt us. However, when they do hurt us, we’re left heartbroken.

One-sided love can metaphorically be explained as falling in love with the moon. You can only stare at it, crave for it but you know that you will never be able to actually have it, and that feeling often kills you from the inside. This is probably one of the most depressing feelings, because you find yourself not only vulnerable but frustrated at the same time. You have chosen a dead end course for yourself, and you continue to go about it even though you know what it’ll result in.

For me, the only way you can successfully let go of these feelings is if accept the harrowing result and move on. You have to come to terms with yourself and your heart that the one you have gone head over heels for doesn’t see you that way. So what do you do about that? I am sorry to say, but you have to stop believing and shake yourself back to reality, where you have to tell yourself that, ‘This too shall pass’. And by this I mean your feelings for the person will pass. You need to put yourself first.

First and foremost, try to stop thinking about them. Keep yourself occupied and opt to do things that will keep you and your mind engaged elsewhere. Do not die in self-pity. Continue to tell yourself that you are strong and that you can come out of this in one piece. Promise yourself that you will not give anyone the false impression of being in love with that person or even let that person get any hints.

Even though they say love is best when it is unconditional, you as an individual have every right to be loved right back. And I am sure that someday, you will be loved. You just have to hold onto yourself and love yourself first before you can love anyone else.

Always come first for yourself, for you are your only fix.

Anam Shahid

Anam Shahid:

Anam has always been fond of writing and fiddling with words which allows her to not only express herself but pass them beyond. Graduating as a media student at ICMS, creativity comes to her pieces on its own.